Something about 10

...or rather, 10ish.

It began a few months ago. Gem started helping me more. No fuss, no fanfare, he's just been there for me in a new and different way. (I have loved this very much.)

There's a subtle change in the questions he's asking, the observations he's making, the way in which he is engaging with the world. He's more connected...more extrinsically aware of the world around him.

Then the other day the three of us happened to catch an episode of Clean House, a show which we find fairly captivating. Both kids, but especially Gem, were struck by the story of a single (recently divorced) mom of 4 boys (the youngest of whom was maybe 10 or 11). The mom did everything for the boys, had been doing so since they were born, and they all began to learn how to balance the relationships (and house work) out more.

Our situation is not the same, but there were certainly echoes that sounded familiar. Since watching the show, I've used points made in the episode to connect to behaviors and attitudes the kids exhibit and they both have been snapping to attention enough for new perspectives to sink in a bit.

Tonight, we had a nice birthday evening with my side of the family. We went to Gem's favorite sushi restaurant in the city for dinner.

Then we went to my mom's for dessert and presents. Here is Gem blissing out with ice cream and the FIFA pre-tournament show. He is very excited. (We joined a fantasy "pick 'em" league today at the invitation of my brother. Fun!)

It was "make-your-own sundaes". Sag built himself a nice sundae and loved every bite.

After we came home, Gem played a new Pokemon DS game and then finished his Grand Emporium Lego set (2000+ pieces!) When he was done, we oohed and aahed and I cried out, "do you love it?"

He answered, "No, I don't love it, I like it a lot. Love is for members of my family."

I was stunned. Because, you see, this boy does not use the word "love" lightly. (This is, and has been since very early on, his nature: to take things seriously, to not be swayed by popular opinion, to be clear to and about his true self.)

He has stated for years that he loves himself, but that he likes us, his family members. He was, quite simply, the only person he loved. I have honored this all along, never questioning how he felt. This was his experience and it was important to me that he remain true to himself. It's also important to me to embrace my kids (and anyone) just as they are...to meet them where they are, truly see them, love them, appreciate them, learn from them.

Something has shifted inside my now 10 year old boy. He loves us. He knows it, he feels it. I am so grateful that something in him has opened up and that he can feel the energy and connection between himself and his family, other people, in a very real, simple and clear way.

The signs were there. He has been rubbing my back and hugging and snuggling more lately. He adores having his back and legs rubbed. He has been giving me energy and I know that he has been feeling a return on that. What had been purely unconscious now has intention.

Amazing.